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Which One of You Is The Man and Which One The Woman?

Dec 17th, 2009 | 7 responsesPosted by OIA Staff in Opinion

gay-men

Which one of you is the man and which one the woman?

This question never fails to bemuse. We’re both gay men. Doesn’t that kind of make it clear that neither of us is the woman?

People never seem to realise how homophobic this question is. It completely invalidates and devalues gay relationships – that the only way a gay relationship can be a “real” relationship is if we somehow mimic straight people. The only way a relationship between 2 men can work is if one of us pretends to be a woman. Yeah, that’s man kinds of offensive and beyond ignorant.

Of course, when I point this out they start to ask more questions because they seem to think I don’t understand the question – as opposed to finding the question ludicrous…

[ Read the rest over at Womanist Musings ]

Tags: gay men, gay relationship, gay relationships, ignorant, question, relationship, Women

Michael

Okay, the joke: Did you hear about the two gay guys who got married? The one played the role of the man, and the other -
nag, nag, nag!
ubercon

They both look too feminine for my taste.
Artur Pedruco

Salt & pepper hair means older man?
George Kensley

My relationships tend to be more of the father son type, but both masculine. No women involved. Thank you. If I wanted a women, I would go straight. No thank you.
Steve

I like the photo at the beginning of the article – showing an older man obviously in love with and loved by a younger man. That’s our relationship. Some people wonder at it. You have helped to give the notion of a “May-December” romance credibility. On the other hand, we have never been asked this question. I think our friends are more respecting of our privacy than that.
Brad

While I understand and validate your perspective, especially defining the question as a tad “homophobic”, I believe that everyone (regardless of pre-determined sexual orientation) has a personality that lies somewhere in the continuum between masculine and feminine.

“Opposites attract” is a cliché for a reason – and taking a look at my own relationship, my partner tends to be more feminine (in the way he thinks, processes things, and acts) and I tend to be more masculine.

While this, for obvious reasons, is not an axiom for a relationship, if drawing the comparison to a straight relationship will help those who are straight see why we’re no different from them and deserve the same equal rights, I would be happy to amuse their question.

It can also make for a great laugh with extended family (especially when I can jest “You are SO the woman in this relationship!”) heh
Thomas

Both are men

Which One of You Is The Man and Which One The Woman?

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