What is Spirituality? – life beyond therapy

Have you ever met people who seem to have it all (plenty of money, great jobs, hot partners) who lament (drunkenly, over too many cocktails), “I have it all, why do I feel so empty?” That old t-shirt from the 80’s is wrong: He or She who dies with the most toys does NOT win. It’s more likely that he or she gets all the toys and wonders, “Is that all there is?”

For many people, the next step in their life is to explore spirituality. But what is “spirituality” anyway? I looked it up in the dictionary, and found, “related to the spirit or sacred matters” and “deeply religious”. So I looked up “spirit” and found: “life-giving force, presence of God, vivacity or enthusiasm”. Confusing, isn’t it? Some people use the words “religion” and “spirituality” synonymously, yet for many people, religion is not their thing and spirituality is. So, what is a spiritual path and what does it have to offer? I did some research and here’s what I came up with:

According to Christina Feldman (author of “How to Find Inner Peace in a Busy World” and “Spiritual Practice in Everyday Life”): “All spiritual paths start with misery and help us gradually find our way to happiness…ignorance or unwise view is considered an attachment to physical things, people, events, and/or jobs to make us happy…something that is inevitably going to change will not be able to bring us happiness. Spirituality is about wisdom or insight that brings happiness, joy, liberation, a profound harmony with all things. Unskillful speech or action is what brings us suffering, struggle, despair, disharmony and disappointment”.

Some people see a spiritual path as a vehicle to move from this unwise way of living (and all the struggle it brings) to wisdom and freedom from suffering. Feldman says “most people live in what is secure and familiar, looking there for lasting happiness and are continually disappointed to find that their heroic efforts to be free from struggle lead too often to disappointment”. Perhaps people who “have it all” seek a spiritual path because with all their external trappings of success, they’re questioning where they can find a (lasting) peace of heart and mind. This kind of internal questioning may lead to a spiritual path.

Most of my clients on a spiritual path have some sort of structure that supports their process of questioning and discovery: they may learn to meditate, pray, go on silent retreats, do yoga, chi gong and spend time in nature. For many of these men and women, events in their lives “startled them into wakefulness and shattered their sense of safety, security and predictability” (Feldman again).

Motivations to seek a spiritual path may include: the pain or the death of someone we care for (a pain we cannot fix), the loss of something or someone we have relied on, or hurt received from someone we trusted. The inevitable gains and losses, highs and lows, successes and failures that are part of living are great motivators to look deeper than the world of things and people for our peace of mind.

For many of my clients, the heart of their spiritual investigation is a willingness to ask the question: “Who am I really?” An unwillingness to do this makes any kind of growth – spiritual, psychological or otherwise – almost impossible. We need to release the rigid ideas we have of who we are, what Feldman calls, “the mythology of self”.

Here is an exercise Feldman suggests to begin a spiritual quest: Write a short autobiography, beginning each sentence with the words “I am ——————” (fill in the blank). This will give you a sense of your “mythology of self” and how you may be clinging to outdated ideas of self-identity. Look carefully: you may discover that your sense of security, safety and existence relies upon your self-identity remaining unchallenged. Take your autobiography – your “story of me” – and ask yourself: who am I apart from these descriptions of myself? Who am I if you take away my story?

There is a lot of truth in the statement: “All you need are the right questions and the right answers will come.” Without asking the right questions, we may be deluding ourselves into thinking that our happiness lies in external events or people. There is suffering in this “mythology of self” because its maintenance relies upon the world supporting it and never changing. Keeping this mythology going requires that we control events, people and circumstances so that our story, opinions and preferences are not challenged. This is a big problem: we cannot make anything stand still for us. Clearly, we are not in control.

Spirituality is more than just the latest trendy thing. If you’ve ever asked yourself, “What is my purpose in life?” or “Why am I here?” spirituality may be helpful in a way that linear logic is not. Check it out and see if it beckons. You might find some interesting answers to long-puzzling questions. You may discover a new path that takes you in a brand new direction, whether you call it “spirituality”, psychology, philosophy or whatever!

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