Out in America Features» Health & Lifestyle

Your Loyal Soldier – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 00:54:37 +0000

Bill Plotkin and Richard Rohr are two authors who inspire me. Both are leaders in what I call “common sense spirituality” and both write about the psychological concept of the “loyal soldier” Everyone has a “Loyal Soldier”. He/she is the part of your psyche that- since childhood – has protected you from harm. As adults, [...]

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A Third Of Gay Marriages in Canada May Be Invalid

OIA Staff — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 03:52:18 +0000

Since Canada legalized same-sex marriage in 2004, some 15,000 gay and lesbian couples have jumped the broom. But now a lawyer for the Canadian government is claiming up to a third of those marriages may be invalid because they were between foreigners who couldn’t wed in their native countries. via. Read the full article @ [...]

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Growth is a Decision – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 02:51:23 +0000

I was listening to a CD by Texas Enneagram teacher Suzanne Stabile and she made the above statement. I think it’s particularly relevant as the new year approaches and many of us aspire to changing our lives in 2012. As a psychotherapist to the LGBT for many years’ now, I’ve observed a few developmental growth [...]

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D.C. To Consider Gay Divorce Bill

OIA Staff — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 02:23:15 +0000

The District of Columbia is set to consider a bill that would make it easier for gay and lesbian couples to divorce in the municipality, gay weekly the Washington Blade reported. The bill, introduced in October by D.C. Council member Phil Mendelson, would allow an out-of-state gay couple married in the District to divorce there [...]

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Give Yourself the Gift of Meditation – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 01:19:17 +0000

What can you give yourself for the Holidays that would really make your life a whole lot better? Sure, a new car or a fabulous boyfriend or girlfriend would be great. But, let’s dig deeper: what could REALLY change your life? How about meditation? “Ugh”, I hear you say, “How boring. This is old news”. [...]

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Psychological Santa to the Rescue! – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 21:22:34 +0000

For lots of people, December is the month from hell: this time of year often brings crazy-scary sets of expectations and dread. We are bombarded with media images encouraging us to buy stuff and to be happy…and if we don’t, we’re failures. This is a sure set-up for depression and disappointment. But, never fear! Allow [...]

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FBI Hate Crimes Stats Show Many Anti-Gay, Few Anti-Christian Crimes

OIA Staff — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 23:42:20 +0000

The FBI has released the 2010 Hate Crimes Statistics. There is something startling within those statistics, that is if you actually believe the rot pushed out by the Roman Catholic Church. Of the incidents of hate crimes, the top three- in order- are racist, anti-religious, homophobic. What they found was that: 47.3 percent were racially [...]

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The Man Machine – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 18:40:49 +0000

Sometimes I wonder what to write about in this column. This week, I didn’t have to wonder for long. Two media images hit me over the head like a hammer: ‘We’ve assembled the hottest guys” claims a gay website with a photo of a beautiful young man in a Frankenstein-like laboratory. The image encourages us [...]

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More to Gay Sexuality Than Just Health Risks

OIA Staff — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 15:01:17 +0000

New research shows that the sex lives of gay men are neither as narrow as some anti-gay stereotypes suggest, nor so very different from how heterosexuals engage in and enjoy sexual contact. via. Read the full article @ More to Gay Sexuality Than Just Health Risks Read more articles @ our blogBecome a fan on [...]

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Happy National Coming Out Day!

OIA Staff — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 14:11:06 +0000

October 11th is National Coming Out Day. Founded in 1988 by Robert Eichberg and Jean OLeary in celebration of the second gay march in Washington D.C. a year earlier. via. Read the full article @ Happy National Coming Out Day! Read more articles @ our blogBecome a fan on FacebookFollow us on Twitter

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GLBT History Month 2011 – Updated Daily

OIA Staff — Sat, 01 Oct 2011 06:00:01 +0000

LGBT History Month celebrates the achievements of 31 lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender Icons. Read the full article @ GLBT History Month 2011 – Updated Daily Read more articles @ our blogBecome a fan on FacebookFollow us on Twitter

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Finding Your Perfect Partner – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 16 Sep 2011 17:03:15 +0000

Over the past few years, I have done quite a few workshops on this topic: it appears to be a never-ending challenge for us all. We all have this idea of the “perfect” partner, and many of us feel disappointed and even annoyed when we don’t get him or her. A few questions to get [...]

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Dating with the Buddha – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 25 Aug 2011 17:46:14 +0000

How can you bring spirituality and humor to dating? Or, as one writer so aptly put it: What if the Buddha dated? How would he handle getting to know someone? How would he bring spirituality and “enlightenment” to the process? Although as far as I know, the Buddha didn’t date (supposedly, he left his wife [...]

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First Gay Marriage is Seen as Frist Step in Cuba

OIA Staff — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 18:18:32 +0000

Havana, Cuba – On a sweltering, rainy afternoon in Havana Ignacio Estrada, a gay man who is also HIV positive, and Wendy Iriepa, a transgendered woman, became the first gay couple to be legally married in Cuba. The couple said their marriage was a present to Fidel Castro who celebrated his 85th birthday on the [...]

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A Broken Heart – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 17:10:43 +0000

Who among us hasn’t has our heart broken, at least once? It’s impossible to get through life without it. People are unpredictable, they hurt us despite their best intentions. Pets, partners, beloved friends and relatives die. We fall in love with someone who doesn’t feel as we do. And when it happens, we’re surprised how [...]

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When you’re the “other” (wo)man – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 29 Jul 2011 19:28:47 +0000

Dear Michael: I’ve noticed you give good advice to people in thorny situations, so here’s another one: I went to a party and met this guy, “Tom”. He was really cute and I liked him and we flirted and kissed and before I knew it we were at my house fucking like bunnies. So far, [...]

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California First State to include LGBT History | dot429 article

OIA Staff — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 14:37:55 +0000

Along with the civil rights and women’s suffrage movements, the LGBT community became the newest minority whose struggles will be taught to California schoolchildren. On Thursday July, 14th Governor Jerry Brown (D) signed SB48 into law, which will make LGBT history a part of California’s public school curriculum. The law was created in response to [...]

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Nice Guys Bore Me – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 15:59:02 +0000

Dear Michael: I feel like a stereotype, but it’s true: I only want men I can’t have, and then when I get them (which I usually do), I don’t want them anymore. Nice guys bore me, and I end up alone most of the time. Confused in California Dear Mr. Confused: This is an easy [...]

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Should I Stay or Should I Go? – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 17:00:37 +0000

Often clients ask me, “Should I stay with my partner or should I go?” This is obviously not a question I can answer for them, so I help them look at the big picture – their expectations, the reality of their relationship, their old patterns – to help them make their decision. Many people feel [...]

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Congratulations: Marriage Equality for New York

OIA Staff — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 11:34:50 +0000

We did it: the NY State Senate just voted to legalize same-sex marriage and Gov. Cuomo has already signed the bill, and NY will become the largest state in the union to grant couples the equal rights they deserve on July 24th. New York State proudly joins five other states (Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont, New [...]

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Let My People Kiss – General Gayety

OIA Staff — Wed, 22 Jun 2011 17:54:58 +0000

Among the security guards at Target Field in Minneapolis, one stands out for his overriding moral concerns. The fellow is a little tin Moses, and the stadium is his Mount Sinai. With mustard and relish. Taylor Campione and Kelsi Culpepper encountered him when they decided to take in a Minnesota Twins game on May 27. [...]

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On 30th Year of HIV/AIDS, Obama Administration Recommits to Fighting Pandemic

OIA Staff — Wed, 08 Jun 2011 14:55:17 +0000

Thirty years ago this Sunday, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention first reported on the condition that would eventually become known as human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) infection. Over the past three decades, HIV has emerged as a potent global pandemic, and today more than 33 million people around the world are living with HIV and [...]

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The Best Way to Break Up – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 15:48:31 +0000

Dear Michael: I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 8 years. I can’t believe I was with him that long, he has been so abusive for most of that time. He’s crazy, literally. I think he’s bipolar. He threatens me one day and then begs me to come back the next day. Recently, I [...]

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The Joys (and Sorrows) of LGBT Coupledom – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 19 May 2011 15:30:32 +0000

Dear Michael: I am 23 years old and in my first gay relationship, I used to date girls and only recently came out. I have been with my boyfriend Evan for 5 months now. He’s my first real true love. That part’s all good. On the other hand, can you tell me why it’s so [...]

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HIV Vaccine Awareness Day, 2011

OIA Staff — Tue, 17 May 2011 14:06:51 +0000

HIV Vaccine Awareness Day provides an opportunity to acknowledge the more than 35,000 individuals who have volunteered for preventive HIV vaccine trials over the past 25 years. Without their participation, the modest success that we have achieved thus far would not have been possible. Many thousands more volunteers will be needed if we are going [...]

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What is “Love” Anyway? – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 05 May 2011 13:45:26 +0000

I love working with LGBT couples: they come to me, wanting to improve their communications, work out problems between them and deepen their love. In couples’ therapy, one of the most helpful things I do is to help a couple examine their definition of love. Specifically, we look at the difference between “Falling in Love” [...]

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Positively Aware looks back at 30 years of AIDS epidemic

OIA Staff — Wed, 04 May 2011 01:42:26 +0000

The May/June issue of Positively Aware magazine looks back at 30 years of the HIV/AIDS epidemic with its current issue, AIDS at 30. Included in the issue is an interview with Anthony Fauci, MD, Director of the National Institutes of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID). In his first ever interview with Positively Aware, Dr. Fauci [...]

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Reinventing Dating – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 17:05:11 +0000

DATING: this word strikes terror into the hearts of many. Why? What is it about dating that we dread so? Let’s take a look and see if we can’t make the process more fun and less fearful. Whether you call it dating, hooking up, or some other phrase, let’s reinvent dating. I see all too [...]

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Pain, Suffering and Spirituality – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 16:38:51 +0000

When you read about the rich and famous “going spiritual”, e.g., going to meditation retreats, studying Buddhism in India, reading (and writing) Spiritual/New Age/Personal Growth books, what the hell is going on? Is this a true search for dealing with pain and suffering or is it mere New Age quackery? Is it just another way [...]

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Britain To Lift Gay Blood Ban

OIA Staff — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 19:20:36 +0000

Health officials in Britain announced on Sunday that gay men will soon be allowed to donate blood for the first time. There’s a caveat, however. Only gay men who have not been sexuality active with another man for 10 years will be allowed to donate blood. That is, the ban will remain in effect for [...]

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How to Stay Single and Still Love Yourself – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 13:09:11 +0000

I like to read foreign newspapers for their different points of view. Recently, in the Sunday (London) Times, reporter Joseph Dunn wrote, “There comes a point in every adult’s life when he or she must check out of Guyland…This is the place in a man’s life when he lives singly and without responsibility. It’s also [...]

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Embracing Your Loneliness – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 14:13:32 +0000

Dear Michael: I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I have everything I really want or need, but I feel strongly, deeply lonely. I wake up most mornings glad to be alive, but then I end up crying sometime during my morning jog. What’s wrong with me? Why do I feel so lonely? Lonely in [...]

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Becoming Chaz

OIA Staff — Tue, 22 Mar 2011 16:16:04 +0000

The world television premiere of the highly anticipated Chaz Bono documentary “Becoming Chaz,” the story of Chaz Bono’s transformation from a woman to a man, will launch the OWN Documentary Film Club on Tuesday, May 10 (8-10 p.m. ET/PT) on OWN: Oprah Winfrey Network. Immediately following the film, OWN Documentary Film Club collaborator Rosie O’Donnell [...]

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Bring Back Romance – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 15:44:37 +0000

Dear Michael: I feel like I’m living in the wrong era: I want to be romanced, wined, dined…you know, wooed (I like that old-fashioned word). I’m only 24, but I don’t want quick hookups or fast sex. I want a courtship, where we slowly get to know each other. No sex right away, but yes [...]

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Monogamy or Open-Relationship? – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 14:00:28 +0000

As of this writing, same-sex couples can marry in some states of the USA and in some European countries. It’s wonderful that we have that option. However, this raises an interesting question: Now that we can get married: do we want to? Another question I hear a lot from my clients: “Whether we get married [...]

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Surprise! There’s A 50 Percent Chance You Already Have HPV!

OIA Staff — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 16:42:02 +0000

We wish they vaccinated young boys against HPV back when we were kids because according to a new study, 50 percent of all guys already have the virus—flip a coin and see if that includes you. via. Read the full article @ Surprise! There’s A 50 Percent Chance You Already Have HPV! Read more articles [...]

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How to Fix a Saggy Sex Life – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Wed, 23 Feb 2011 16:12:28 +0000

Dear Michael: I am in a 20-year relationship that, in general, is really good. The problem is that the sex has virtually disappeared, even though we both love each other a lot. We even went to a couple’s therapist but it didn’t do any good. The therapist didn’t want to talk about sex (he seemed [...]

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Am I a Sex Addict? – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 13:39:47 +0000

How do you know if you’re having a healthy amount of sex or if you’re overly focused (or even obsessed) with sex? Read on… Dear Michael: Last month I was in Washington D.C. and went to a bathhouse. There was a “counselor” there who was talking with people about sex addictions. It was weird having [...]

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CA Same-sex Couples Have It Tough with New Tax Rules

OIA Staff — Tue, 15 Feb 2011 13:20:38 +0000

Same-sex couples in California are having an extra-tough time doing their 2010 taxes, thanks to a new Internal Revenue Service ruling that requires them to split their community property income 50-50 but still file individual returns. But to comply with the income-splitting rule, some couples are having to ditch their old tax preparers or software [...]

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Sex as Sport – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 15:05:32 +0000

There’s talk in the air – particularly among my 20-something GBT clients – of “sex as sport”. What does this mean? From what I hear, it’s about sex as an activity, like tennis or baseball…just for fun, good for exercise…no muss, no fuss…and no emotional drama. This is what I call “sex lite”. Sex without [...]

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Catholic Church Offers App for Sinners

OIA Staff — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 12:59:26 +0000

The program – called Confession – went on sale last week through iTunes for $1.99. Described as “the perfect aid for every penitent”, it offers users tips and guidelines to help them with the sacrament. The app takes users through the sacrament – in which Catholics admit their wrongdoings – and allows them to keep [...]

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What the Bible Really Says About Sex

OIA Staff — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 15:23:05 +0000

What does the Bible really say about sex? Two new books written by university scholars for a popular audience try to answer this question. Infuriated by the dominance in the public sphere of conservative Christians who insist that the Bible incontrovertibly supports sex within the constraints of “traditional marriage,” these authors attempt to prove otherwise. [...]

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When to Have Sex? – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 03 Feb 2011 13:05:27 +0000

This is one of the most frequent questions I get from clients/readers who find themselves entering the dating world. This letter is typical: Dear Michael: I’m looking for a boyfriend, but not too seriously. I am enjoying great sex a lot of the time and meet most of these guys on-line. I think that having [...]

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Is Sex More Psychological or Physiological? – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 27 Jan 2011 15:44:19 +0000

Dear Michael: I am a regular reader of your column. You often mention not to compare ourselves to others, but it seems that most men I’ve spoken to can have an orgasm with a blow job. It feels OK when someone goes down on me, I get excited and become erect, but the erection doesn’t [...]

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Celebrating Your Sexual Self – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Wed, 19 Jan 2011 17:07:24 +0000

In recent years, I have given workshops with the above title, and these workshops have been extremely popular. In some cities I was asked to come back and do the workshop again because participants wanted their friends to experience it. So, obviously, this is an important topic at this point in time. Why? Here’s my [...]

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Gay Stamp of Approval – General Gayety

OIA Staff — Wed, 19 Jan 2011 14:50:23 +0000

I’ve kept a secret for years. Now it’s time for me to come out—as a stamp collector. I’m throwing off my shame. I’m a nerd and I’m proud! My orientation, philatelically speaking, is toward general collecting. I amass all kinds of postage stamps. Other collectors prefer to go the topical route, acquiring stamps on specific [...]

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Supreme Court Rejects Appeal by D.C. Marriage Equality Opponents

OIA Staff — Tue, 18 Jan 2011 17:45:52 +0000

An appeal to the U.S. Supreme Court by Bishop Harry Jackson and opponents of same-sex marriage in the District of Columbia has been rejected. Jackson had been seeking to put a proposal on the ballot to overturn the District’s marriage law that gives same-sex couple the same rights to marriage as their heterosexual counterparts. via. [...]

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New LGBT Hospital Visitation Rules in Effect

OIA Staff — Tue, 18 Jan 2011 17:44:11 +0000

Last year, President Barack Obama announced federal regulations that prohibit hospitals from discriminating against visitors based on sexual orientation and gender identity. Today those new regulations correcting that injustice take effect. via. Read the full article @ New LGBT Hospital Visitation Rules in Effect Read more articles @ our blogBecome a fan on FacebookFollow us [...]

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What Is Good Sex Anyway? – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Wed, 12 Jan 2011 18:53:13 +0000

Dear Michael: Last week a friend of mine invited me to go with him to a sex party. I’ve never been to one before. It was in someone’s house and there were a lot of naked men there: young and old, pretty and not so pretty. I’ve been to bathhouses before, but this was more [...]

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The 3 Musketeers of Sex: Your Mind, Heart and Genitals – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 06 Jan 2011 15:36:22 +0000

In any meaningful LGBT relationship, we need to balance the desires and demands of our heart, mind and genitals. For example, when you meet someone and feel an attraction, how and when do you decide to have sex? Is it right off the bat, when your heart and mind barely know the guy? Or is [...]

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