Out in America Features» emotions

Finding Your Perfect Partner – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 16 Sep 2011 17:03:15 +0000

Over the past few years, I have done quite a few workshops on this topic: it appears to be a never-ending challenge for us all. We all have this idea of the “perfect” partner, and many of us feel disappointed and even annoyed when we don’t get him or her. A few questions to get [...]

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A Broken Heart – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 17:10:43 +0000

Who among us hasn’t has our heart broken, at least once? It’s impossible to get through life without it. People are unpredictable, they hurt us despite their best intentions. Pets, partners, beloved friends and relatives die. We fall in love with someone who doesn’t feel as we do. And when it happens, we’re surprised how [...]

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Embracing Your Loneliness – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 14:13:32 +0000

Dear Michael: I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I have everything I really want or need, but I feel strongly, deeply lonely. I wake up most mornings glad to be alive, but then I end up crying sometime during my morning jog. What’s wrong with me? Why do I feel so lonely? Lonely in [...]

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Sex as Sport – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 15:05:32 +0000

There’s talk in the air – particularly among my 20-something GBT clients – of “sex as sport”. What does this mean? From what I hear, it’s about sex as an activity, like tennis or baseball…just for fun, good for exercise…no muss, no fuss…and no emotional drama. This is what I call “sex lite”. Sex without [...]

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Anger: A Wake-Up Call – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 16:03:55 +0000

Does traffic piss you off? Do you get easily irritated at other people? Have you ever wondered if you need “anger management” classes? And what exactly is “anger management”? Let’s talk a bit about what anger is and how to work with it. When someone treats you badly, it’s natural and healthy to feel angry. [...]

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Am I codependent? – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 13:19:47 +0000

People use the word “codependent” all the time, but seldom does anyone define what it really means. Not only do we have Codependent Anonymous 12-step meetings (useful) but we also have all those stupid TV shows that label anyone vaguely helpful as “hopelessly codependent” (not useful). Codependent: the word has become meaningless. But, I’d like [...]

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Feeling Fatherless – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 18:11:15 +0000

Some people have wonderful fathers and a great relationship. Others do not. I have a client who said that he has no relationship with his father. Another client told me, “When I came out as bisexual, my father basically disowned me”. Another client of mine, who came out as transsexual several years ago, has a [...]

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How and When to Cry – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 14:46:35 +0000

Many of us have grown up with the messages that crying is shameful and a sign of weakness. Whether we are gay/bi/trans men who were told to “just suck it up” or tough-as-nails women who long ago decided: “I’ll never let anyone see me cry again”, most of us got the message that strong people [...]

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A Low Stress Life – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 19:24:11 +0000

Today I got a call from a new client, who asked me, “Can you help me lower my stress and anxiety? I don’t want to take medication. Oh, and by the way, I’m kinda depressed too.” This is a common request. Despite TV commercials that show relaxed, happy people running in fields, blessed out on [...]

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Can You Buy Happiness? – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 10:00:05 +0000

Please consider the following question: “Do we see ourselves as people with aspirations of patience and empathy towards our brothers and sisters or – instead – as consumers who are entitled to the best stuff this world has to offer, so we’d better get out there and get as much of it as we can?” [...]

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Why We (Over)Eat – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 17:43:58 +0000

For many of my clients, every so often they decide that THIS is the month/year/decade they will figure out how to stop overeating, lose weight and keep it off. I am not going to address the physical part of health and weight loss, but I am going to address the psychology of why we (over)eat. [...]

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Meditation Made Easy – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 13:58:21 +0000

It’s trendy to meditate. Movie stars do it, the Dalai Lama does it, even your next-door neighbor does it. But what is it? Meditation is about taking time out from your day, stopping your activities and doing nothing but being with yourself. There’s nothing mystical or magical about it. If you’ve ever sat quietly under [...]

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Slower Is Better

OIA Staff — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 16:00:13 +0000

Are you afraid to slow down? Do you think only stupid people go slowly? You’re not alone. Why do we rush so much? What do we think we’re achieving? Is happiness basically a numbers game – whoever does the most stuff wins – or a matter of quality? Have you ever rushed yourself so much [...]

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Balancing Your Heart, Mind and Junk

OIA Staff — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 19:49:36 +0000

Testosterone: when you put two gay/bi/trans (GBT) men together, you’ve got lots of it. Is this why we GBT men are often accused by hetero society of putting too much emphasis on sex? Is it true that GBT guys have a lot more sex than straight guys do? If so, is it because we can, [...]

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5 Concrete Things You Can Do To Improve Your Relationship

OIA Staff — Thu, 28 May 2009 15:04:04 +0000

by Pace and Kyeli 1. Listen to your partner. It sounds simple, but conversation generally means “You talk, I prepare my response instead of listening, then you prepare your response instead of listening.” I’m talking about stopping that subtle auto-responder that plays in your head – no accusations, we all have one – and seriously [...]

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