Out in America Features» lgbt community

Your Loyal Soldier – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 00:54:37 +0000

Bill Plotkin and Richard Rohr are two authors who inspire me. Both are leaders in what I call “common sense spirituality” and both write about the psychological concept of the “loyal soldier” Everyone has a “Loyal Soldier”. He/she is the part of your psyche that- since childhood – has protected you from harm. As adults, [...]

Read the full article @ Your Loyal Soldier – life beyond therapy

Growth is a Decision – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 02:51:23 +0000

I was listening to a CD by Texas Enneagram teacher Suzanne Stabile and she made the above statement. I think it’s particularly relevant as the new year approaches and many of us aspire to changing our lives in 2012. As a psychotherapist to the LGBT for many years’ now, I’ve observed a few developmental growth [...]

Read the full article @ Growth is a Decision – life beyond therapy

Psychological Santa to the Rescue! – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 21:22:34 +0000

For lots of people, December is the month from hell: this time of year often brings crazy-scary sets of expectations and dread. We are bombarded with media images encouraging us to buy stuff and to be happy…and if we don’t, we’re failures. This is a sure set-up for depression and disappointment. But, never fear! Allow [...]

Read the full article @ Psychological Santa to the Rescue! – life beyond therapy

The Man Machine – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 18:40:49 +0000

Sometimes I wonder what to write about in this column. This week, I didn’t have to wonder for long. Two media images hit me over the head like a hammer: ‘We’ve assembled the hottest guys” claims a gay website with a photo of a beautiful young man in a Frankenstein-like laboratory. The image encourages us [...]

Read the full article @ The Man Machine – life beyond therapy

The End of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”

OIA Staff — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 14:40:52 +0000

On Friday, President Obama certified to Congress that the conditions necessary for ending “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” have been met. His certification follows that of Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta and Admiral Mike Mullen, the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. This means that in 60 days – on September 20, 2011 – DADT [...]

Read the full article @ The End of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”

Google+ Offers Gender-neutral Option

OIA Staff — Mon, 18 Jul 2011 18:47:02 +0000

Google+ offers a feature that may steer members of the LGBT community away from other social networking sites, the ability to stay gender-neutral. A user has the option to disclose their gender to as few or as many people as they want. Product manager Frances Haugen says early users requested the functionality. “Gender can be [...]

Read the full article @ Google+ Offers Gender-neutral Option

Should I Stay or Should I Go? – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 17:00:37 +0000

Often clients ask me, “Should I stay with my partner or should I go?” This is obviously not a question I can answer for them, so I help them look at the big picture – their expectations, the reality of their relationship, their old patterns – to help them make their decision. Many people feel [...]

Read the full article @ Should I Stay or Should I Go? – life beyond therapy

The Best Way to Break Up – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 15:48:31 +0000

Dear Michael: I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 8 years. I can’t believe I was with him that long, he has been so abusive for most of that time. He’s crazy, literally. I think he’s bipolar. He threatens me one day and then begs me to come back the next day. Recently, I [...]

Read the full article @ The Best Way to Break Up – life beyond therapy

The Joys (and Sorrows) of LGBT Coupledom – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 19 May 2011 15:30:32 +0000

Dear Michael: I am 23 years old and in my first gay relationship, I used to date girls and only recently came out. I have been with my boyfriend Evan for 5 months now. He’s my first real true love. That part’s all good. On the other hand, can you tell me why it’s so [...]

Read the full article @ The Joys (and Sorrows) of LGBT Coupledom – life beyond therapy

International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia

OIA Staff — Tue, 17 May 2011 14:19:39 +0000

Press Statement Hillary Rodham Clinton Secretary of State Washington, DC May 17, 2011 In every part of the world, men and women are persecuted and attacked because of who they are or whom they love. Homophobia, transphobia and the brutal hostility associated with them are often rooted in a lack of understanding of what [...]

Read the full article @ International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia

New Study Places Number of LGBT Americans Near 9 Million

OIA Staff — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 16:19:47 +0000

The Williams Institute, a leading think tank dedicated to the field of sexual orientation and gender identity-related law and public policy, released new research that estimates the size of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) community in the United States. Drawing on information from four recent national and two state-level population-based surveys, the analyses [...]

Read the full article @ New Study Places Number of LGBT Americans Near 9 Million

How to Stay Single and Still Love Yourself – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 13:09:11 +0000

I like to read foreign newspapers for their different points of view. Recently, in the Sunday (London) Times, reporter Joseph Dunn wrote, “There comes a point in every adult’s life when he or she must check out of Guyland…This is the place in a man’s life when he lives singly and without responsibility. It’s also [...]

Read the full article @ How to Stay Single and Still Love Yourself – life beyond therapy

Embracing Your Loneliness – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 14:13:32 +0000

Dear Michael: I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I have everything I really want or need, but I feel strongly, deeply lonely. I wake up most mornings glad to be alive, but then I end up crying sometime during my morning jog. What’s wrong with me? Why do I feel so lonely? Lonely in [...]

Read the full article @ Embracing Your Loneliness – life beyond therapy

Monogamy or Open-Relationship? – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 14:00:28 +0000

As of this writing, same-sex couples can marry in some states of the USA and in some European countries. It’s wonderful that we have that option. However, this raises an interesting question: Now that we can get married: do we want to? Another question I hear a lot from my clients: “Whether we get married [...]

Read the full article @ Monogamy or Open-Relationship? – life beyond therapy

Sex as Sport – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 15:05:32 +0000

There’s talk in the air – particularly among my 20-something GBT clients – of “sex as sport”. What does this mean? From what I hear, it’s about sex as an activity, like tennis or baseball…just for fun, good for exercise…no muss, no fuss…and no emotional drama. This is what I call “sex lite”. Sex without [...]

Read the full article @ Sex as Sport – life beyond therapy

Celebrating Your Sexual Self – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Wed, 19 Jan 2011 17:07:24 +0000

In recent years, I have given workshops with the above title, and these workshops have been extremely popular. In some cities I was asked to come back and do the workshop again because participants wanted their friends to experience it. So, obviously, this is an important topic at this point in time. Why? Here’s my [...]

Read the full article @ Celebrating Your Sexual Self – life beyond therapy

The 3 Musketeers of Sex: Your Mind, Heart and Genitals – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 06 Jan 2011 15:36:22 +0000

In any meaningful LGBT relationship, we need to balance the desires and demands of our heart, mind and genitals. For example, when you meet someone and feel an attraction, how and when do you decide to have sex? Is it right off the bat, when your heart and mind barely know the guy? Or is [...]

Read the full article @ The 3 Musketeers of Sex: Your Mind, Heart and Genitals – life beyond therapy

Holiday Hell: Part IV – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 23 Dec 2010 13:00:33 +0000

For lots of people, December is the month from hell. Holidays bring with them crazy-scary sets of expectations and dread. We are bombarded with media images encouraging us to buy stuff and to be happy…and if we don’t, we’re failures. This is a sure set-up for depression, shattered expectations and disappointment. But, never fear! Allow [...]

Read the full article @ Holiday Hell: Part IV – life beyond therapy

Holiday Hell: Part III – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 13:00:29 +0000

Read the full article @ Holiday Hell: Part III – life beyond therapy

Holiday Hell: Part II – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 09 Dec 2010 13:00:26 +0000

Read the full article @ Holiday Hell: Part II – life beyond therapy

Holiday Hell: Part I – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 03 Dec 2010 16:47:46 +0000

Read the full article @ Holiday Hell: Part I – life beyond therapy

Out members of Congress issue letter to LGBT community

OIA Staff — Thu, 28 Oct 2010 14:49:35 +0000

“Elections matter,” begins an open letter from U.S. Representatives Tammy Baldwin, Barney Frank and Jared Polis, issued this afternoon. The intended recipients? The entire LGBT community. … In the 111th Congress, we passed the Matthew Shepherd and James Byrd Jr. Federal Hate Crimes Act, admittedly no small feat, while the State Department adopted inclusive passport procedures [...]

Read the full article @ Out members of Congress issue letter to LGBT community

Coping With Change And Major Life Upsets – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 16:42:33 +0000

In this crazy economic time, so many people have lost their jobs, their homes, their stock portfolios, their retirement monies. How can we cope with change and major upsets in our lives? What do we do when we’re scared shitless about the present and/or the future? Even if the changes are “good” (e.g., you’ve found [...]

Read the full article @ Coping With Change And Major Life Upsets – life beyond therapy

Love, Sex and Hollywood – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 14 Oct 2010 17:41:13 +0000

If you’re a big fan of the movies, as I am, you’re more than familiar with Hollywood’s ideas of Love. In the movies, “falling in love” implies that we’re passive and helpless. It just kind of happens to you, if you’re lucky and all the planets are aligned just right. In real life, it doesn’t [...]

Read the full article @ Love, Sex and Hollywood – life beyond therapy

Am I codependent? – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 13:19:47 +0000

People use the word “codependent” all the time, but seldom does anyone define what it really means. Not only do we have Codependent Anonymous 12-step meetings (useful) but we also have all those stupid TV shows that label anyone vaguely helpful as “hopelessly codependent” (not useful). Codependent: the word has become meaningless. But, I’d like [...]

Read the full article @ Am I codependent? – life beyond therapy

MTV Becomes First Network To Receive An “Excellent” Rating In Fourth Annual GLAAD Network Responsibility Index

OIA Staff — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 13:33:14 +0000

The CW Leads Broadcast Networks for First Time; CBS Once Again Receives a “Failing” Rating for Lack of Inclusion of the LGBT Community The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) today released its fourth annual Network Responsibility Index (NRI), a report that maps the quantity, quality and diversity of images of lesbian, gay, bisexual and [...]

Read the full article @ MTV Becomes First Network To Receive An “Excellent” Rating In Fourth Annual GLAAD Network Responsibility Index

Feeling Fatherless – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 18:11:15 +0000

Some people have wonderful fathers and a great relationship. Others do not. I have a client who said that he has no relationship with his father. Another client told me, “When I came out as bisexual, my father basically disowned me”. Another client of mine, who came out as transsexual several years ago, has a [...]

Read the full article @ Feeling Fatherless – life beyond therapy

Synergy loses license for 2014 Gay Games

OIA Staff — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 15:56:17 +0000

The Cleveland Synergy Foundation lost the license to hold the 2014 Gay Games on July 6. Financial irregularities and reporting issues appear to be among the reasons. Cleveland officials are attempting to privately assure LGBT community leaders that the city is making every attempt to keep the Games. In a statement release by the Cleveland [...]

Read the full article @ Synergy loses license for 2014 Gay Games

I’m Fat – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 16:41:18 +0000

Here is a recent email I received (with details changed for confidentiality): Dear Michael: I am 35 years old, 5’11” and I weigh 280 pounds. I’ve weighed this much most of my adult life. I know why, it’s no mystery. I love to eat. Food is my friend, my best friend. After dating other gay [...]

Read the full article @ I’m Fat – life beyond therapy

Why can’t I sleep? – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 16:11:39 +0000

So many of my clients (and friends) complain about poor sleep or lack of sleep. Why do so many of us not sleep long, well and deeply? What’s going on here? According to research, the average person (whoever he or she is) sleeps 6 to 8 hours a night, almost 50 hours a week, and [...]

Read the full article @ Why can’t I sleep? – life beyond therapy

GetEQUAL: Emergency Capitol Hill Protest to Save ENDA

OIA Staff — Thu, 20 May 2010 13:23:12 +0000

GetEQUAL, a new lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) direct action organization, announced today that they will hold an emergency picket on Capitol Hill today, Thursday, May 20th, 2010 to demand that Democratic Congressional Leaders in the House and Senate live up to their promise to schedule a vote this legislative year on the Employment [...]

Read the full article @ GetEQUAL: Emergency Capitol Hill Protest to Save ENDA

Hate-Fueled Rainbow Flag Burning at NYC’s LGBT Community Center

OIA Staff — Thu, 15 Apr 2010 16:46:11 +0000

The staff at the LGBT Community Center of New York City arrived at work on Wednesday to find that a rainbow flag that once flew in front of the building had been burned. According to a press release, police were called, and investigators from the hate crimes unit and the center’s local precinct were dispatched [...]

Read the full article @ Hate-Fueled Rainbow Flag Burning at NYC’s LGBT Community Center

Shocking News: Conservatives Blast Census Bureau for Counting Gay Couples

OIA Staff — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 14:41:10 +0000

The U.S. Census Bureau has boosted its efforts of reaching out to the LGBT community, assuring gays and transgender people that they can be “true” to who they are when filling out census forms. Bigoted conservative groups, meanwhile, say the bureau is ignoring federal and state laws by allowing same-sex couples to list themselves as married [...]

Read the full article @ Shocking News: Conservatives Blast Census Bureau for Counting Gay Couples

Westboro Baptist Church collects donations for the LGBT community. How sweet of them!

OIA Staff — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 16:05:06 +0000

The Westboro Baptist Church, which we have already spoken, still makes the front but this time without knowing it. She collected donations to support an association of LGBT communities. This time, inadvertently, the church has collected donations for the association Driving Equality. The scheme is simple: each time the cult will protest in a city, [...]

Read the full article @ Westboro Baptist Church collects donations for the LGBT community. How sweet of them!

The lot of the LGBT elder – General Gayety

OIA Staff — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 13:19:40 +0000

As if arthritis and profuse nose hair weren’t enough. Aging is already loaded with physical and emotional challenges. Now we hear that LGBT elders face a distinct set of burdens in addition. It gives growing old all the appeal of a colostomy bag. Called the first major collaboration between LGBT groups and mainstream organizations for [...]

Read the full article @ The lot of the LGBT elder – General Gayety

National LGBT Health Awareness Week

OIA Staff — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 15:35:21 +0000

This year the theme of LGBT Health Awareness Week is Closing the Gap. The LGBT community has, on average, worse health outcomes and less access to the care we need than the straight community. We cannot afford to ignore the gap anymore. We need to educate ourselves and our health care providers about our unique [...]

Read the full article @ National LGBT Health Awareness Week

Dutch Gays End Communion Dispute With Church

OIA Staff — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 18:54:16 +0000

After a mass exodus from the mass at St. John’s Cathedral in ‘s-Hertogenbosch (Den Bosch) this past Sunday, the LGBT community and supporters began a protested over a priest in Reusel who denied Communion to any openly practicing homosexuals. Dutch gay rights groups ended their protests against a Catholic church in the city of Den Bosch [...]

Read the full article @ Dutch Gays End Communion Dispute With Church

Secretary of State Clinton Mentions Uganda’s a “Kill The Gay” Bill Directly In Human Rights Speech

OIA Staff — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 17:12:04 +0000

Secretary of State Hilary Rodham Clinton gave a major policy speech regarding human rights at Georgetown University today. Normally, such a speech would not be of major interest to the LGBT Community overall, though certainly to those who have a strong interest in global human rights, except for one passage within the speech. [ Topix [...]

Read the full article @ Secretary of State Clinton Mentions Uganda’s a “Kill The Gay” Bill Directly In Human Rights Speech

Stop Hating Yourself: The Joys of Getting Older – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 17:18:12 +0000

It seems like an epidemic: we’re all becoming older and feeling that we’re becoming more-and-more invisible. I get a lot of emails from mid-life gay men (and a few women) saying some version of: “I am physically aging much faster than I’d hoped (wrinkles, love handles, receding hairline, expanding belly). Who’s going to want me [...]

Read the full article @ Stop Hating Yourself: The Joys of Getting Older – life beyond therapy

Gay Is Not The New Black But Gay Rights Are Civil Rights

OIA Staff — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 17:15:46 +0000

Gay is the new Black is one of the most offensive slogans that the LGBT community has employed to help fight for their civil rights. If these claims originated with same gender loving people of color, it would be problematic but hardly the racial offense that it constitutes coming from Whites. There has been much [...]

Read the full article @ Gay Is Not The New Black But Gay Rights Are Civil Rights

The “D” Word – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 17:14:14 +0000

Is it a weakness to feel depressed? What is depression anyway? Does it show up differently for men than for women? These are questions I hear a lot of in my private practice. So many of my male clients talk about depression without really knowing what it is. In the past couple of years, psychological [...]

Read the full article @ The “D” Word – life beyond therapy

Why We (Over)Eat – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 17:43:58 +0000

For many of my clients, every so often they decide that THIS is the month/year/decade they will figure out how to stop overeating, lose weight and keep it off. I am not going to address the physical part of health and weight loss, but I am going to address the psychology of why we (over)eat. [...]

Read the full article @ Why We (Over)Eat – life beyond therapy

5 Relationship Myths (and How To Break Them) – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 16:40:17 +0000

In the interest of furthering happy and healthy LGBT relationships, I’d like to share with you five long-held relationship myths and why it’s psychologically healthy to break them. Despite the hundreds of self-help books out on the shelves, there’s a lot of impractical and impossible advice given by the “experts”. After years in this business [...]

Read the full article @ 5 Relationship Myths (and How To Break Them) – life beyond therapy

Falling vs. Standing In Love – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 15:04:39 +0000

I love working with LGBT couples: they come to me, wanting to improve their communications, work out problems between them and deepen their love. In couples’ therapy, one of the most helpful things I do is to help the couple examine their definition of love. Specifically, we look at the difference between “Falling in Love” [...]

Read the full article @ Falling vs. Standing In Love – life beyond therapy

First-Ever LGBT Reality Competition Series Premieres in September

OIA Staff — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 19:08:20 +0000

The Mu Crew, an award-winning HIV Prevention Program of AIDS Resource Center Ohio, is taking their prevention message to a whole new level. For almost a year, this group has been developing an online entertainment series that features an all lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) cast in an adventure competition pitting them against [...]

Read the full article @ First-Ever LGBT Reality Competition Series Premieres in September

Doing The Right Thing

OIA Staff — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 18:30:07 +0000

In Utah it’s legal to fire someone for being gay. The state’s new governor has served notice he’ll change that the day the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sings Metallica. In his first monthly televised news conference, Gary Herbert said discriminating against gay people shouldn’t be illegal, but gosh darn, he sure would like it if everyone [...]

Read the full article @ Doing The Right Thing

Momentum Building For October 11 National Equality March

OIA Staff — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 17:23:34 +0000

Equality Across America, the new grassroots network calling for Federal action to protect the rights of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Americans, has moved forward with plans for a massive national day of action on Sunday, October 11, 2009.. Major national LGBT organizations including the Gay Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) and the Universal Fellowship [...]

Read the full article @ Momentum Building For October 11 National Equality March

Urge CNN to Consider Gay Life in America

OIA Staff — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 16:55:10 +0000

With the popular series “Black in America,” CNN shed light on the black American experience. They also have an upcoming series called “Latino in America” this October. Considering the vast amount of misinformation regarding sexual orientation, social attitudes, homophobia and rising support for gay equality… [ Queers United ] Read the full article @ Urge [...]

Read the full article @ Urge CNN to Consider Gay Life in America

The Peter Pan Syndrome

OIA Staff — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 16:20:00 +0000

The longer I practice psychotherapy, the more I hear phrases like, “Only young guys turn me on”, “men my age aren’t attractive to me” or “being with someone older and more successful than I am terrifies me.” These phrases typically fall from the lips of mid-life gay men; I rarely hear them from guys in [...]

Read the full article @ The Peter Pan Syndrome

A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities

OIA Staff — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 18:55:15 +0000

This is the subtitle to the eye-opening and paradigm-bending book, “The Ethical Slut”, by D. Easton and C. Liszt. Another title I considered for this column is: “Emotional Monogamy in Non-Monogamous Relationships”, but that’s too many words. Many of my coupled clients, colleagues and friends are examining traditional heterosexual marriage-based relationships and finding them lacking. [...]

Read the full article @ A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities