Out in America Features» Relationships

Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich Blast Gay Marriage At New Hampshire GOP Debate

OIA Staff — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 03:48:11 +0000

Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich criticized gay marriage during Saturday night’s Republican debate in New Hampshire. The issue came up when a Yahoo! News reader asked, “Given that you oppose gay marriage, what do you want gay people to do who want to form loving, committed, long-term relationships? What is your solution?” Romney and Gingrich [...]

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U.K. on Course to Legalize Same-sex Marriage

OIA Staff — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 18:45:20 +0000

The Conservative-led government in London endorses same-sex marriage, and has announced legislation legalizing marriage equality before the next general election, scheduled for 2015. This is prompted by the prime minister’s enthusiasm for the issue. Marriage equality is a sound Tory principle: commitment cannot be determined by sexuality, and there’s no reason to deny or refuse [...]

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Finding Your Perfect Partner – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 16 Sep 2011 17:03:15 +0000

Over the past few years, I have done quite a few workshops on this topic: it appears to be a never-ending challenge for us all. We all have this idea of the “perfect” partner, and many of us feel disappointed and even annoyed when we don’t get him or her. A few questions to get [...]

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Dating with the Buddha – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 25 Aug 2011 17:46:14 +0000

How can you bring spirituality and humor to dating? Or, as one writer so aptly put it: What if the Buddha dated? How would he handle getting to know someone? How would he bring spirituality and “enlightenment” to the process? Although as far as I know, the Buddha didn’t date (supposedly, he left his wife [...]

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Same Gender Means Some Problems – General Gayety

OIA Staff — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 18:08:26 +0000

You might enter into a same-sex relationship thinking you know all the troubles that lie ahead. Discrimination, rejection by family and friends, spending eternity in hell—none of that is news. But I’ll bet you never considered the bundle of difficulties caused by being in a relationship with someone who’s a lot like you. Someone with [...]

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Should I Stay or Should I Go? – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 17:00:37 +0000

Often clients ask me, “Should I stay with my partner or should I go?” This is obviously not a question I can answer for them, so I help them look at the big picture – their expectations, the reality of their relationship, their old patterns – to help them make their decision. Many people feel [...]

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The 3 Year Itch – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Wed, 15 Jun 2011 16:49:11 +0000

“I’m so bored with him.” “The excitement’s gone”. “She’s so predictable; I know exactly what she’ll do.” Sound familiar? These statements are typical of how some of my clients describe their long-term relationships. Those of you who have never had one, pay attention: you may be able to avoid future problems coming your way. While [...]

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The Best Way to Break Up – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 15:48:31 +0000

Dear Michael: I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 8 years. I can’t believe I was with him that long, he has been so abusive for most of that time. He’s crazy, literally. I think he’s bipolar. He threatens me one day and then begs me to come back the next day. Recently, I [...]

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The Joys (and Sorrows) of LGBT Coupledom – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 19 May 2011 15:30:32 +0000

Dear Michael: I am 23 years old and in my first gay relationship, I used to date girls and only recently came out. I have been with my boyfriend Evan for 5 months now. He’s my first real true love. That part’s all good. On the other hand, can you tell me why it’s so [...]

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What is “Love” Anyway? – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 05 May 2011 13:45:26 +0000

I love working with LGBT couples: they come to me, wanting to improve their communications, work out problems between them and deepen their love. In couples’ therapy, one of the most helpful things I do is to help a couple examine their definition of love. Specifically, we look at the difference between “Falling in Love” [...]

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Reinventing Dating – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 17:05:11 +0000

DATING: this word strikes terror into the hearts of many. Why? What is it about dating that we dread so? Let’s take a look and see if we can’t make the process more fun and less fearful. Whether you call it dating, hooking up, or some other phrase, let’s reinvent dating. I see all too [...]

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Monogamy or Open-Relationship? – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 14:00:28 +0000

As of this writing, same-sex couples can marry in some states of the USA and in some European countries. It’s wonderful that we have that option. However, this raises an interesting question: Now that we can get married: do we want to? Another question I hear a lot from my clients: “Whether we get married [...]

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When to Have Sex? – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 03 Feb 2011 13:05:27 +0000

This is one of the most frequent questions I get from clients/readers who find themselves entering the dating world. This letter is typical: Dear Michael: I’m looking for a boyfriend, but not too seriously. I am enjoying great sex a lot of the time and meet most of these guys on-line. I think that having [...]

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The 3 Musketeers of Sex: Your Mind, Heart and Genitals – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 06 Jan 2011 15:36:22 +0000

In any meaningful LGBT relationship, we need to balance the desires and demands of our heart, mind and genitals. For example, when you meet someone and feel an attraction, how and when do you decide to have sex? Is it right off the bat, when your heart and mind barely know the guy? Or is [...]

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7 gay couples sue Montana over equal protection

OIA Staff — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 13:42:14 +0000

The ACLU of Montana may have found a way to force states like Texas that have outlawed same-sex marriage to provide rights to gay and lesbian couples. The lawsuit claims Montana violates its own state constitutional guarantees of rights like privacy, equal protection and due process. The suit seeks equal rights through domestic partnerships. By [...]

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Queer Questions Straight Talk – Q&A with author Abby Dees

OIA Staff — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 17:10:18 +0000

How many important questions go unasked because a straight loved one doesn’t know what to ask, doesn’t want to pry or judge – or just feels embarrassed? Designed around the idea that there are no bad questions, and no “wrong” answers, Queer Questions Straight Talk is an invitation to talk, honestly and lovingly, about what [...]

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The Healthy Side of Internet Sex – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 13:00:50 +0000

There’s a lot of talk in the air about the pros and cons of Internet sex. The Internet has a lot to offer as far as “healthy sex” is concerned, e.g., we can arrange sexual hook-ups, see erotic photos/videos/webcams and engage in sexual conversations with other people. However, in the therapeutic world of psychotherapy, Internet [...]

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NY Senate Democrats Extend Rights to LGBT Couples

OIA Staff — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 15:39:12 +0000

Legislation grants bereavement leave to employees in same-sex relationships The Senate Democratic Majority passed legislation (S6177A/Montgomery) that allows individuals involved in same-sex relationships to be granted funeral or bereavement leave from their place of employment. The bill, spearheaded by Senator Velmanette Montgomery (D-Brooklyn), extends this privilege that was previously granted only to employees that are [...]

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Lit And Flicks Sustain The Newly Out – General Gayety

OIA Staff — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 15:43:18 +0000

After we finished working out and I had breath again to speak, I asked my friend Louisa about her weekend plans. She said she intended to cozy up with a lesbian romance. It’s not that Louisa doesn’t have anyone real with whom to cozy up. She’s a year into her first lesbian relationship, and that’s [...]

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Pawlenty vetoes death rights bill for gay couples

OIA Staff — Mon, 17 May 2010 16:04:45 +0000

Legislation that would have given surviving partners in same-sex relationships the right to make funeral arrangements for their deceased loved ones has been vetoed by Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty. [ via GayPolitics.com ] Read the full article @ Pawlenty vetoes death rights bill for gay couples Read more articles @ our blogBecome a fan on FacebookFollow [...]

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Unlearning Jealousy – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 07 May 2010 12:42:45 +0000

“Let jealousy be your teacher. Jealousy can lead you to the very places where you most need healing. It can be your guide into your own dark side and show you the way to total self-realization. Jealousy can teach you how to live in peace with yourself and with the whole world if you let [...]

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Arkansas Judge Strikes Gay Adoption Ban

OIA Staff — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 14:31:40 +0000

A circuit judge on Friday struck down a state law banning unmarried couples from adopting and serving as foster parents. Act 1 unconstitutionally burdens non-marital relationships and acts of sexual intimacy between adults by forcing them to choose between becoming a parent and having any meaningful type of intimate relationship outside of marriage, Circuit Judge [...]

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Alison Goldfrapp isn’t afraid of labels

OIA Staff — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 14:56:36 +0000

This year, Alison started dating a woman (film editor Lisa Gunning) and a UK paper placed a photo of her with her partner in a piece on lesbians who come out later in life. Alison talked with AfterEllen.com about suddenly dealing with a label, her new album, Head First, and how she showed up on [...]

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Gay and lesbian adults more likely to age alone

OIA Staff — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 17:06:18 +0000

A new survey of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender baby boomers shows they are less likely to be in a relationship than non-gay boomers and more likely to be concerned about caring for themselves as they age. Yet, the survey of 2,400 adults age 45 to 64 — half of them heterosexual — found that [...]

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Mr. Faithful – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 17:00:25 +0000

I’d like to share an email with you, as I think that the writer has some interesting ideas to consider: Dear Michael: Why is there so much emphasis on sex in the gay community? I was in a long-term relationship that recently ended. I was faithful to my boyfriend and (to my knowledge) he was [...]

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Self-Love: life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 19:43:30 +0000

I have clients who tell me that it’s painful for them to walk down the street and see all those happy LGBT (or straight) couples. “It makes me feel so lonely and unwanted”, they say. When you’re single, and people around you “appear” (and I use that word deliberately) to be much happier than you, [...]

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2010 Census and the LGBT Community: What these changes mean for you

OIA Staff — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 16:28:34 +0000

Throughout our nation’s history, the census has served to document and reflect our increasingly diverse and changing population. For the LGBT community, the first big change in the census occurred in 1980 when a “partner” category was added to the census questionnaire as a way to describe the relationship between two people in the household. [...]

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Ted Olson Opening Statement in Federal Challenge to Prop 8

OIA Staff — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 18:20:56 +0000

Ted Olson’s opening statement in the federal challenge to Prop 8: This case is about marriage and equality. Plaintiffs are being denied both the right to marry, and the right to equality under the law. The Supreme Court of the United States has repeatedly described the right to marriage as “one of the vital personal [...]

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The Psychology of Gaining Weight

OIA Staff — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 17:09:18 +0000

Recently, a local news program interviewed me about why people gain weight. Weight gain (and loss) is, for many of us, right up there with sex and money on the anxiety scale. Anxiety and weight gain are linked. As the level of general anxiety continues to rise in our society, the rate of obesity rises. [...]

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Youthful At Any Age – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 19:26:33 +0000

I recently turned 56 and am damned proud of it. I have my share of wrinkles and gray hair, but I FEEL youthful and healthy. I’d like to share some of what works for me – and my clients – in hopes it will be useful to you too: Meditate. It teaches you to listen [...]

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The Turkey Count – General Gayety

OIA Staff — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 17:36:01 +0000

It’s that time of year when we think about turkey. Or in my case, turkeys. In honor of the season, I’m highlighting many people, at home and abroad, who’ve recently behaved like turkeys. I realized I didn’t know what to call a group of turkeys, a drawback when writing about multiple foul fowl. I searched [...]

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Did You Fall Off the “Bad Dating Habits” Wagon?

OIA Staff — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 17:20:35 +0000

So….HABITS! Hmmpphhhh! Habit’s can really be hard to break, right? Actually, they are quite painful, and in fact, bad habits are very stressful to one’s life. HUGE life shortner. If you’re a smoker, you’ve tried quitting countless times only to find yourself bumming just “ONE MORE – and that’s it” ciggy from a co-worker and [...]

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Cultivating a Sense of Humor – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 13:56:09 +0000

Perhaps only God Herself is more important than humor. Seriously. Psychological research has found that when people list the qualities they desire in a partner, a good sense of humor consistently shows up near the top. For some of us, a good sense of humor is more important than physical appearance or socioeconomic status. Why? [...]

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REPORT: Same-Sex Couples Face Significant Disadvantages In Retirement

OIA Staff — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 15:50:41 +0000

A new study released today details the inequalities faced by same-sex couples in employer-sponsored retirement plans. Without legal recognition of their relationships under federal law, the report concludes, lesbians and gay men have less retirement income and are disadvantaged in their ability to pass on savings to their families after their death. The study, “The [...]

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The “D” Word – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 17:14:14 +0000

Is it a weakness to feel depressed? What is depression anyway? Does it show up differently for men than for women? These are questions I hear a lot of in my private practice. So many of my male clients talk about depression without really knowing what it is. In the past couple of years, psychological [...]

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Being Out at Work

OIA Staff — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 17:17:25 +0000

For many of us GLBT folks, work is the last bastion of The Closet. We’re out at home and we’re out when we’re out, but we “tone it down” when we’re at work. We don’t let our freak flags fly. We aren’t fully ourselves. We squish ourselves into poorly-fitting boxes of “what’s normal” and “what’s [...]

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5 Relationship Myths (and How To Break Them) – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 16:40:17 +0000

In the interest of furthering happy and healthy LGBT relationships, I’d like to share with you five long-held relationship myths and why it’s psychologically healthy to break them. Despite the hundreds of self-help books out on the shelves, there’s a lot of impractical and impossible advice given by the “experts”. After years in this business [...]

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What Are You Missing Out On?

OIA Staff — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 16:35:59 +0000

Doing anything fun tonight? Any GREAT dates planned for next weekend? Are you spending most nights doing other things besides going out on dates? That’s totally cool…it’s great to different things. In fact, I highly suggest you do get out there in the world and stretch a bit. Take more risks, get involved – go [...]

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Keeping The Young Folks Apart – General Gayety

OIA Staff — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 18:39:33 +0000

In his New York Times Magazine column called “The Ethicist,” Randy Cohen recently tackled a modern dilemma. A mother wrote in to say that her daughter, in her late 20s, has a same-sex partner, a fact known to most of the large Catholic family. But the writer’s in-laws, the lesbian’s grandparents, don’t know, and the rule [...]

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Falling vs. Standing In Love – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 15:04:39 +0000

I love working with LGBT couples: they come to me, wanting to improve their communications, work out problems between them and deepen their love. In couples’ therapy, one of the most helpful things I do is to help the couple examine their definition of love. Specifically, we look at the difference between “Falling in Love” [...]

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Why Self-help Books Don’t Work and What You Can Do About It!

OIA Staff — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 14:55:00 +0000

There really is a lot of value in all of those self-help books you buy. You’re seeking answers to problems you face day-to-day, especially answers to how to end painful patterns of dead-end dating and relationships. However, when the book is finished, that is if you do finish, you toss it in your collection and [...]

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Should I stay or should I go?

OIA Staff — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 17:24:37 +0000

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Balancing Your Heart, Mind and Junk

OIA Staff — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 19:49:36 +0000

Testosterone: when you put two gay/bi/trans (GBT) men together, you’ve got lots of it. Is this why we GBT men are often accused by hetero society of putting too much emphasis on sex? Is it true that GBT guys have a lot more sex than straight guys do? If so, is it because we can, [...]

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Another One Bites The Dust

OIA Staff — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 16:22:57 +0000

I think we can call it official. Along with death and taxes, there’s something else we can always count on: socially conservative politicians getting caught with their family values around their ankles. The current headlining hypocrite is Tennessee state Sen. Paul Stanley, 47, a Republican who represents suburban Memphis. Stanley, married with two children, had [...]

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Yes You Count: The 2010 Census Will Include Gay Couples

OIA Staff — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 14:34:55 +0000

It took major political pressure and direction from the White House, but it’s official: The 2010 U.S. Census will record and report raw data about Americans in same-sex relationships. It’s a stark departure from the Bush administration, which collected the data but barred its release. [ Queerty ] Read the full article @ Yes You [...]

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Bisexuality 101: Am I bisexual?

OIA Staff — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 18:09:28 +0000

Some people would say that everyone is bisexual, but I’m not going to buy into that line. That’s the easiest way to confuse those of you who may be on the fence. And no, just because you thought about doing something with a friend of the same sex—or maybe even did a little fooling around [...]

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The Peter Pan Syndrome

OIA Staff — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 16:20:00 +0000

The longer I practice psychotherapy, the more I hear phrases like, “Only young guys turn me on”, “men my age aren’t attractive to me” or “being with someone older and more successful than I am terrifies me.” These phrases typically fall from the lips of mid-life gay men; I rarely hear them from guys in [...]

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The Three Year Itch

OIA Staff — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 19:14:20 +0000

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A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities

OIA Staff — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 18:55:15 +0000

This is the subtitle to the eye-opening and paradigm-bending book, “The Ethical Slut”, by D. Easton and C. Liszt. Another title I considered for this column is: “Emotional Monogamy in Non-Monogamous Relationships”, but that’s too many words. Many of my coupled clients, colleagues and friends are examining traditional heterosexual marriage-based relationships and finding them lacking. [...]

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Ireland grants rights to same-sex partnerships

OIA Staff — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 16:04:03 +0000

Ireland recognized the legal rights of same-sex couples for the first time Friday in a civil partnership bill that gave people in long-term relationships many of the statutory rights of married couples. But it stopped short of recognizing civil marriage. [ Reuters ] Read the full article @ Ireland grants rights to same-sex partnerships Read [...]

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