Out in America Features» Work

Your Loyal Soldier – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 00:54:37 +0000

Bill Plotkin and Richard Rohr are two authors who inspire me. Both are leaders in what I call “common sense spirituality” and both write about the psychological concept of the “loyal soldier” Everyone has a “Loyal Soldier”. He/she is the part of your psyche that- since childhood – has protected you from harm. As adults, [...]

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Obama Presents American Jobs Act Video

OIA Staff — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 16:00:15 +0000

With more than 14 million people out of work and Americans fearing a double-dip recession, President Obama presented his $300 billion American Jobs Act to Congress Thursday night. via. Read the full article @ Obama Presents American Jobs Act Video Read more articles @ our blogBecome a fan on FacebookFollow us on Twitter

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Embracing Your Loneliness – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 14:13:32 +0000

Dear Michael: I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I have everything I really want or need, but I feel strongly, deeply lonely. I wake up most mornings glad to be alive, but then I end up crying sometime during my morning jog. What’s wrong with me? Why do I feel so lonely? Lonely in [...]

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When to Have Sex? – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 03 Feb 2011 13:05:27 +0000

This is one of the most frequent questions I get from clients/readers who find themselves entering the dating world. This letter is typical: Dear Michael: I’m looking for a boyfriend, but not too seriously. I am enjoying great sex a lot of the time and meet most of these guys on-line. I think that having [...]

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The 3 Musketeers of Sex: Your Mind, Heart and Genitals – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 06 Jan 2011 15:36:22 +0000

In any meaningful LGBT relationship, we need to balance the desires and demands of our heart, mind and genitals. For example, when you meet someone and feel an attraction, how and when do you decide to have sex? Is it right off the bat, when your heart and mind barely know the guy? Or is [...]

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Holiday Hell: Part IV – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 23 Dec 2010 13:00:33 +0000

For lots of people, December is the month from hell. Holidays bring with them crazy-scary sets of expectations and dread. We are bombarded with media images encouraging us to buy stuff and to be happy…and if we don’t, we’re failures. This is a sure set-up for depression, shattered expectations and disappointment. But, never fear! Allow [...]

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Holiday Hell: Part III – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 13:00:29 +0000

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Holiday Hell: Part II – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 09 Dec 2010 13:00:26 +0000

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Holiday Hell: Part I – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 03 Dec 2010 16:47:46 +0000

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Living Out: On Being HIV Positive in the Workplace

OIA Staff — Mon, 22 Nov 2010 18:43:03 +0000

Photo Courtesy: Tyler Helms Editor’s Note: At 29, Tyler Helms is a former television journalist-turned-award-winning advertising executive. Originally form Atlanta, GA, he is currently a vice president and group account director at Deutsch Inc. and lives full-time in New York City. Outside of Deutsch, Helms writes a column for The Advocate called “Living the Questions.” He [...]

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Johnny Weir Interview: Being Unique & Successful

OIA Staff — Fri, 05 Nov 2010 17:50:49 +0000

dot429 Exclusive Interview “Be yourself,” Johnny Weir succinctly declares to dot429 when pinpointing his keys to success. The public adores Johnny Weir as a prodigious figure skater and unique fashionista. We caught up with the famed Olympian in New York City and discussed the Johnny Weir approach to business, success, and the current state of [...]

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Coping With Change And Major Life Upsets – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 16:42:33 +0000

In this crazy economic time, so many people have lost their jobs, their homes, their stock portfolios, their retirement monies. How can we cope with change and major upsets in our lives? What do we do when we’re scared shitless about the present and/or the future? Even if the changes are “good” (e.g., you’ve found [...]

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Why are gay relationships so hard? – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 13:11:15 +0000

A client of mine is in his early 20’s and experiencing his first gay relationship. He’s recently come out and is very happy with his first boyfriend. However, he asked me last week: “Why are gay relationships so hard?” He is shocked how much work a relationship is and asked me for some advice to [...]

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Feeling Fatherless – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 18:11:15 +0000

Some people have wonderful fathers and a great relationship. Others do not. I have a client who said that he has no relationship with his father. Another client told me, “When I came out as bisexual, my father basically disowned me”. Another client of mine, who came out as transsexual several years ago, has a [...]

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The Healthy Side of Internet Sex – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 13:00:50 +0000

There’s a lot of talk in the air about the pros and cons of Internet sex. The Internet has a lot to offer as far as “healthy sex” is concerned, e.g., we can arrange sexual hook-ups, see erotic photos/videos/webcams and engage in sexual conversations with other people. However, in the therapeutic world of psychotherapy, Internet [...]

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Scared of the gym? – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 13:11:20 +0000

Here are some of the most popular reasons I hear for not working out at a gym: I’m too depressed I have avoided working out for years I’m too fat and out of shape to go I don’t know how to use the equipment there I feel intimidated by how good-looking everyone else is If [...]

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Getting along with difficult people – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 17:48:34 +0000

No matter how wonderful your life is, it’s impossible to avoid difficult people. These unpleasant folks may be your neighbors, coworkers, family, clients, boss or even your partner. Regardless of who they are, how are you going to get along with them? You can’t just blow them off and run away (they have a way [...]

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Obama to expand leave rights for gay families

OIA Staff — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 16:03:04 +0000

The federal Family and Medical Leave Act will soon give some gay workers the right to take up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave to care for the sick or newborn children of their same-sex partners, according to sources who spoke to the New York Times [ via GayPolitics.com ] Read the full article @ [...]

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Top/Bottom/Versatile – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 14:02:51 +0000

I was recently at a party where I was asked, “As a therapist, can you tell me why there are so many more bottoms than tops in the gay world? Well, some things may be eternal mysteries, but I’ll give the question my best shot. I can’t assume that this guy’s observations are accurate (and [...]

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Bringing Back Romance – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 17:54:17 +0000

Plenty of people have focused on bringing “sexy” back. But, perhaps it’s time to dig a little deeper. What about romance? You know, that desire to be wined, dined, paid attention to, courted, wooed (I like that old-fashioned word). I hear from a lot of clients in their 20’s and early 30’s that they’re over [...]

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Drama Queens (and Kings) – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 27 May 2010 13:30:13 +0000

In a perfect world, drama belongs on stage, not in your daily life. Don’t you agree? Think about it: do you ever find yourself overly reactive, theatrical or emotional? By choice? By desperation? Unless you have a true personality disorder (see a good psychotherapist if you have questions about this) I’m here to tell you: [...]

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How to change your life – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 13:15:19 +0000

In my private practice, a lot of clients come to me and complain about disappointment. Disappointment with their new job, new lover, new home, new diet. Self-help books make it sound so easy to make major changes in our lives. But is it? How often have you heard someone say, “Hey, it’s time for a [...]

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Keep your brain youthful – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 13:11:46 +0000

Many of us are highly focused on keeping our bodies youthful. We spend hundreds of hours (and dollars) on a youthful body. But what about our brain? Have we forgotten about it? Just because we don’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not worth our attention. After reading a great article in The New York Times, [...]

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Facebook, Twitter, and Google are out to screw LGBT privacy

OIA Staff — Mon, 29 Mar 2010 17:37:22 +0000

We already know that researchers can tell if you’re gay using Facebook, use that info to advertise gay hook-up sites to you, and that every new social networking tool can wreak havoc on the queers because of their ultra-laissez privacy settings. [ via Queerty | dotrights.org ] Read the full article @ Facebook, Twitter, and [...]

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Your Body, Aging And Self-Image – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 15:29:14 +0000

More and more of my clients – straight, gay, whomever – are asking me if I think it’s wrong to get botox or restylene treatments to look younger. I’ve had clients go to Canada, Mexico and even Asia for plastic surgery. A client who just had his eyes “done” told me, “I just want to [...]

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How and When to Cry – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 14:46:35 +0000

Many of us have grown up with the messages that crying is shameful and a sign of weakness. Whether we are gay/bi/trans men who were told to “just suck it up” or tough-as-nails women who long ago decided: “I’ll never let anyone see me cry again”, most of us got the message that strong people [...]

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A Low Stress Life – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 19:24:11 +0000

Today I got a call from a new client, who asked me, “Can you help me lower my stress and anxiety? I don’t want to take medication. Oh, and by the way, I’m kinda depressed too.” This is a common request. Despite TV commercials that show relaxed, happy people running in fields, blessed out on [...]

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Healthy Anger – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 15:58:20 +0000

How much anger is healthy? As a therapist, I’m asked this a lot. People want to find out if they’re “normal” on the anger-o-meter scale (whatever that is). Some people say “I feel angry all the time”, while others tell me, “I don’t know what to do with my anger”. In working with couples, I [...]

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Utah Lawmakers Drop Anti-Discrimination Plans

OIA Staff — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 17:23:10 +0000

Utah lawmakers won’t consider a law that would ban discrimination against gays and lesbians in the workplace and in housing, and will instead spend the next year studying the issue, key lawmakers said Friday. How sweet of them. [ Topix ] Read the full article @ Utah Lawmakers Drop Anti-Discrimination Plans Read more articles @ [...]

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Playing the Blame Game – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 14:29:16 +0000

As my grandma (the Ohio chicken farmer) said, “Nobody’s life is shit-free”. She’s right. Our parents mess up, friends let us down, lovers screw up, bosses and coworkers act like morons. There is a huge temptation to blame other people for our problems. As a psychotherapist, I hear this all the time, “I’m so depressed [...]

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Self-Love: life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 19:43:30 +0000

I have clients who tell me that it’s painful for them to walk down the street and see all those happy LGBT (or straight) couples. “It makes me feel so lonely and unwanted”, they say. When you’re single, and people around you “appear” (and I use that word deliberately) to be much happier than you, [...]

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The Psychology of Gaining Weight

OIA Staff — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 17:09:18 +0000

Recently, a local news program interviewed me about why people gain weight. Weight gain (and loss) is, for many of us, right up there with sex and money on the anxiety scale. Anxiety and weight gain are linked. As the level of general anxiety continues to rise in our society, the rate of obesity rises. [...]

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HAPPINESS: What is it and how to get more of it

OIA Staff — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 19:47:08 +0000

Happiness: what a topic! Most of my clients want to be happier…they want more happiness and less suffering in their lives. Who doesn’t? But, what is happiness? We all know it when we feel it, or do we? Is it feeling good, joyful, optimistic, healthy, alive? Or is it a deeper sense of pleasure, satisfaction, [...]

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Youthful At Any Age – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 19:26:33 +0000

I recently turned 56 and am damned proud of it. I have my share of wrinkles and gray hair, but I FEEL youthful and healthy. I’d like to share some of what works for me – and my clients – in hopes it will be useful to you too: Meditate. It teaches you to listen [...]

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Did You Fall Off the “Bad Dating Habits” Wagon?

OIA Staff — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 17:20:35 +0000

So….HABITS! Hmmpphhhh! Habit’s can really be hard to break, right? Actually, they are quite painful, and in fact, bad habits are very stressful to one’s life. HUGE life shortner. If you’re a smoker, you’ve tried quitting countless times only to find yourself bumming just “ONE MORE – and that’s it” ciggy from a co-worker and [...]

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Can You Buy Happiness? – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 10:00:05 +0000

Please consider the following question: “Do we see ourselves as people with aspirations of patience and empathy towards our brothers and sisters or – instead – as consumers who are entitled to the best stuff this world has to offer, so we’d better get out there and get as much of it as we can?” [...]

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Cultivating a Sense of Humor – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 13:56:09 +0000

Perhaps only God Herself is more important than humor. Seriously. Psychological research has found that when people list the qualities they desire in a partner, a good sense of humor consistently shows up near the top. For some of us, a good sense of humor is more important than physical appearance or socioeconomic status. Why? [...]

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Tulsa man says he was beaten because he’s gay

OIA Staff — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 20:01:08 +0000

What should have been a 10-minute walk to a friend’s house ended with a trip to the hospital for Brandon Patrick, a Tulsan who said he was severely beaten Sunday night because of his sexual orientation. Three people followed Patrick down the 1300 block of South Rockford Avenue about 11:45 p.m., yelling homophobic slurs and [...]

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Being Out at Work

OIA Staff — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 17:17:25 +0000

For many of us GLBT folks, work is the last bastion of The Closet. We’re out at home and we’re out when we’re out, but we “tone it down” when we’re at work. We don’t let our freak flags fly. We aren’t fully ourselves. We squish ourselves into poorly-fitting boxes of “what’s normal” and “what’s [...]

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Meditation Made Easy – life beyond therapy

OIA Staff — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 13:58:21 +0000

It’s trendy to meditate. Movie stars do it, the Dalai Lama does it, even your next-door neighbor does it. But what is it? Meditation is about taking time out from your day, stopping your activities and doing nothing but being with yourself. There’s nothing mystical or magical about it. If you’ve ever sat quietly under [...]

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Good Boys and Bad Boys

OIA Staff — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 17:13:47 +0000

In the past few months, I’ve seen quite a few clients who find that their balance is off. The balance I am talking about the balance between excitement and safety, unpredictability and predictability…between being a “Good Boy” and a “Bad Boy” (women readers, feel free to consider it your “Good Girl/Bad Girl” balance…the ideas are [...]

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Idaho Trans Candidate Sues Twitter Over Fake Account Defamation

OIA Staff — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 16:05:00 +0000

Fox 12 Idaho reports: Robinson “It was a shock for trans-gender Robinson. Someone has created a Twitter account under her name with the title ‘woman with a penis’. The fake account has also posted lewd tweets to a Michigan reporter, who said he immediately blocked the feed. ‘I e-mailed Twitter and called them and did [...]

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Slower Is Better

OIA Staff — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 16:00:13 +0000

Are you afraid to slow down? Do you think only stupid people go slowly? You’re not alone. Why do we rush so much? What do we think we’re achieving? Is happiness basically a numbers game – whoever does the most stuff wins – or a matter of quality? Have you ever rushed yourself so much [...]

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Why Self-help Books Don’t Work and What You Can Do About It!

OIA Staff — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 14:55:00 +0000

There really is a lot of value in all of those self-help books you buy. You’re seeking answers to problems you face day-to-day, especially answers to how to end painful patterns of dead-end dating and relationships. However, when the book is finished, that is if you do finish, you toss it in your collection and [...]

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Out of the Office Closet

OIA Staff — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 19:55:06 +0000

If you’re gay or lesbian and you’re closeted at your office, you’re not alone. Despite major strides in acceptance over the last 15 years, many still struggle with the decision to come out at work. A recent Harris poll conducted with Out & Equal and Witeck-Combs Communications indicated that 44% of lesbian, gay, bisexual and [...]

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